JUST when news channels were worried over the shortage of sensational news, Gary Kirsten comes to their rescue. When I was a cricket fan in the late 1980s (yeah, I lost interest later), the ban on South Africa was lifted and they started playing international cricket. That's when we (me and my cousins, who were all kids and crazy cricket fans) came to know of Kirsten. None of us were his fans because he was bald. We hated him because he was a pretty good opener and that brought trouble to India.
Today, I am surprised to see Kirsten take on a new avatar. The media says he has a "Sex Mantra" for the Indian cricket team. "What? Kirsten? That old man ?", I wonder. I've only heard Late Dr. Mathrubootham talk of these stuff. So, what does this guy Kirsten actually say? In short, he says, good sex gives good cricket. No jokes here. This guy is serious.
"Are you sure it is Kirsten? Is it not someone else... like... err... Kushwant Singh.. or Shobha De... or... maybe Bill Clinton?"
"No, no! It is Kirsten ! How the heck would these others know about cricket!"
"Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot we're talking of cricket also".
English and Australian players say they envy the Indian team for getting such a nice coach. As expected, the media is very happy, now they have something to talk 24X7. There are forums discussing if it is good to have sex before or after or during a match. Sexologists are in sudden demand. They are invited to various group discussions to explain the science behind all this. They are happy that their profession is somehow getting linked with cricket, and that gives them bright hopes for a great future. I am sure everyone, other than the cricketers, is watching these discussions. Who knows what the cricketers are doing (hmm...) !
Now, hold on - Kirsten refuted all these claims the next day. He says he never said any of these stuff. Poor guy, no one even bothered to listen now. The media reported it, but well, it was quickly overshadowed by the "Sex and Cricket" discussions which were already in full swing. There were more and more panel discussions, forum debates, sexologist interviews, and no one even heard Kirsten refuting these allegations. The damage was already done. Nobody wanted the hot discussions to end just 'coz Kirsten never told it in the first place. It was a good topic that could go on for another couple of months, so why would anyone even think of ending it. It was "gala" time for all Talk-time hosts.
Kirsten would have been scratching his already-bald-head wondering "Is this all a bad dream?".
There are a few things he can do to capitalize this situation. Now, this is what you should do, Mr. Kirsten:
First of all, stop refuting these. No one is gonna believe you, 'coz no one bothers if it is true. Just go with the flow and enjoy the hungama. The media loves you now. You are more popular now than ever in your life.
Tell that you read about this sex mantra somewhere in Kamasutra. That's it. You have quoted from a book of ancient India, and no one will dare to question you. Kamasutra book sales will double or triple, and publishers would just love you. Now, don't worry if anyone would cross verify your claim. Once they start reading the book, they will forget about what you said. There is enough stuff in that book to keep them occupied for another 2 years.
Next, you can write a book yourself. Didn't you know that writing a book was the fastest way to become a celebrity in India! Look what happened to Jaswant Singh. No one bothered calling him for interviews before. Now, he is the busiest person on town. But, make sure you write something about stuff like culture, pre-marital sex, or morality - even if these are not linked to cricket. Be assured that one of these would explode into a nation-wide discussion, and you can ride the tide happily.
Next, you can start a Talk Show. What? Are you thinking of what to talk? That's the last thing you should worry about. Just talk something that appears to be complex. You can invent something called "Cricket Therapy" for sex problems, or "Sex Therapy" for cricket problems. Whatever. Who cares! Just keep talking. At any cost, don't allow others to talk, then they will ask questions and you will be in trouble. Invite them, but you keep talking.
Meanwhile, during this time, if India wins matches, tell that your mantra works. If they lose, tell that the players didn't follow it "effectively". In any case, you win. All the best, Mr. Kirsten.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
The World of EMI
Twenty years ago, the abbreviation "EMI" (Equated/Equal Monthly Installment) never existed. Or atleast, it didn't rule the world like it does today. Bank agents never came chasing us asking for our autograph on a loan request form with microscopic disclaimer and warning statements at the bottom.
Rich people built houses, drove in cars, watched color television, had phones in their bedroom, and so on. Middle-class people rented houses, rode in bicycles, listened to All India Radio, used public phones, and rest of the time talked about rising price of onions. So, the distinction was clearly visible.
No one even dared asking banks for loans in lakhs with little or zero down payment. Asking such a thing would have been as shocking as seeing a polar bear mating a gorilla in the middle of Sahara desert. (Phew ! Can't imagine that !)
If someone had a house those days, it meant he was rich. He had enough money to afford a own house and hang pumpkins all around it.
But today, if you have a house, it means you have enrolled in this "Elite EMI Group" (hereafter referred as EEG).
If you have a house and a car - it means you've a long-lasting membership in this group.
If you have a house, a car, and a credit card balance - then you might as well get a permanent membership.
If you have a house, a car, a credit card balance and still in need of another loan - then you better start believing in re-birth & a next life because there is nothing much you can do with this life.
If you have a house, a car, a credit card balance, few personal loans, and couple of kids - then there is nothing to worry; it is your bank that has to worry about filing bankruptcy. You can live your life as if nothing happened - just go on vacations, sit by the beach, watch the sun set, and sip lemonade. You are now a celebrity - like one of those big US companies that proudly announce that they will go bankrupt if Govt doesn't bail them out - and the media goes all bananas about it - and they become a celebrity. You, my dear friend, can actually contest for EEG's chairman post.
When Bill Clinton visited Taj Mahal, he said, "The world is divided into 2 kinds of people: those who have seen Taj Mahal, and those who haven't". Well, naughty boy Clinton was trying to play Shakespeare here. Forget it. Actually, the world is divided into 2 kinds: people with EMI payments, and people without. The first category is growing at an enormous rate that very soon we might ask the 2nd category people to move to another planet.
Maybe it is not a bad idea if we, the EMI people, form a worldwide organization - like say International Borrowers Association (IBA). It should be pronounced as "I-Baah" - an acronym - 'coz acronymns usually get popular quickly. We can have our own flag - in the shape of a credit card or something. We definitely need a slogan - like "In Banks We Trust", "Save Money, Lend Better", etc.
We can announce April 1st as our IBA Day, for all the obvious reasons.
Imagine how many people would participate in our celebrations on April 1st ! The whole of earth would be full of lights and music and dance and partying - "Hoo hoo... I Baah Day". Some bank managers would get a heart-attack watching these on TV. Political leaders would send their wishes to us - "May this day bring peace, love and more importantly tolerance and forgiveness in our world". Aliens watching us from Pluto will be stunned. "What the heck is going on in that planet ! It is brightly lit up and their radio waves are jamming our whole system here. They are louder than that damn meteorite that hit us last week".
If you are reading this blog and you don't owe any EMI payments, then I've just one question for you: "Are you crazy?". Looks like, you have no passion in life at all. I forgive you if you are a retired person. But, if you are working, then you definitely need an EMI - else what is the driving force in your life ! EMI is what keeps the working class spinning today - life becomes like a Speilberg war film - you are constantly running to survive, there are shells fired everywhere, people screaming, buildings falling, smoke and dust, tanks coming behind - yet you keep running ! If you don't have an EMI - you are missing all this fun - your life resembles a opera sung by a fat lady in an empty old theatre on a sweaty Sunday afternoon and in between you hear the theatre janitor sweeping the floor - how boring could that be ! Come on, wake up and join the fun!
Disclaimer: This blog does not provide financial advice of any sort. If you decide to follow what is written here, it is just your fate. If anything written here happens to be true - it is a mere coincidence and nothing more should be read into it.
Rich people built houses, drove in cars, watched color television, had phones in their bedroom, and so on. Middle-class people rented houses, rode in bicycles, listened to All India Radio, used public phones, and rest of the time talked about rising price of onions. So, the distinction was clearly visible.
No one even dared asking banks for loans in lakhs with little or zero down payment. Asking such a thing would have been as shocking as seeing a polar bear mating a gorilla in the middle of Sahara desert. (Phew ! Can't imagine that !)
If someone had a house those days, it meant he was rich. He had enough money to afford a own house and hang pumpkins all around it.
But today, if you have a house, it means you have enrolled in this "Elite EMI Group" (hereafter referred as EEG).
If you have a house and a car - it means you've a long-lasting membership in this group.
If you have a house, a car, and a credit card balance - then you might as well get a permanent membership.
If you have a house, a car, a credit card balance and still in need of another loan - then you better start believing in re-birth & a next life because there is nothing much you can do with this life.
If you have a house, a car, a credit card balance, few personal loans, and couple of kids - then there is nothing to worry; it is your bank that has to worry about filing bankruptcy. You can live your life as if nothing happened - just go on vacations, sit by the beach, watch the sun set, and sip lemonade. You are now a celebrity - like one of those big US companies that proudly announce that they will go bankrupt if Govt doesn't bail them out - and the media goes all bananas about it - and they become a celebrity. You, my dear friend, can actually contest for EEG's chairman post.
When Bill Clinton visited Taj Mahal, he said, "The world is divided into 2 kinds of people: those who have seen Taj Mahal, and those who haven't". Well, naughty boy Clinton was trying to play Shakespeare here. Forget it. Actually, the world is divided into 2 kinds: people with EMI payments, and people without. The first category is growing at an enormous rate that very soon we might ask the 2nd category people to move to another planet.
Maybe it is not a bad idea if we, the EMI people, form a worldwide organization - like say International Borrowers Association (IBA). It should be pronounced as "I-Baah" - an acronym - 'coz acronymns usually get popular quickly. We can have our own flag - in the shape of a credit card or something. We definitely need a slogan - like "In Banks We Trust", "Save Money, Lend Better", etc.
We can announce April 1st as our IBA Day, for all the obvious reasons.
Imagine how many people would participate in our celebrations on April 1st ! The whole of earth would be full of lights and music and dance and partying - "Hoo hoo... I Baah Day". Some bank managers would get a heart-attack watching these on TV. Political leaders would send their wishes to us - "May this day bring peace, love and more importantly tolerance and forgiveness in our world". Aliens watching us from Pluto will be stunned. "What the heck is going on in that planet ! It is brightly lit up and their radio waves are jamming our whole system here. They are louder than that damn meteorite that hit us last week".
If you are reading this blog and you don't owe any EMI payments, then I've just one question for you: "Are you crazy?". Looks like, you have no passion in life at all. I forgive you if you are a retired person. But, if you are working, then you definitely need an EMI - else what is the driving force in your life ! EMI is what keeps the working class spinning today - life becomes like a Speilberg war film - you are constantly running to survive, there are shells fired everywhere, people screaming, buildings falling, smoke and dust, tanks coming behind - yet you keep running ! If you don't have an EMI - you are missing all this fun - your life resembles a opera sung by a fat lady in an empty old theatre on a sweaty Sunday afternoon and in between you hear the theatre janitor sweeping the floor - how boring could that be ! Come on, wake up and join the fun!
Disclaimer: This blog does not provide financial advice of any sort. If you decide to follow what is written here, it is just your fate. If anything written here happens to be true - it is a mere coincidence and nothing more should be read into it.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Berry Factor
I have a really nice mobile phone - Motorola V190 (Believe me, this model still exists).
Somehow, my friends do not agree with this statement.
"You still haven't changed your mobile?". They've asked a million times.
Well, here is the history. I got this mobile in 2006, when I landed in USA and when I was badly in need of a device to communicate with my family in the other part of the world. The only criteria I had were: it should have speaker, phone book and alarm. I love camera mobiles, but my workplace didn't allow them those days. (Well, they changed their minds later after a year or so... Grrrr!).
The store where I got this mobile (store name withheld since I'm on a highly secret mission to USA) - was cunningly divided into 2 sections, separated by an invisible wall.
One section is like the Dinosaurs section of Museum, where you can see all the extinct mobiles. The people you see here are the ones who still think "Blackberry" is a fruit, and confuse "bluetooth" with sabertooth. And they still use their fingers to dial and still talk into the receiver.
The other section is the "happening" place. People here are the kind who hate using keypads and who want auto-redialling to happen by a sneeze. They also want the maximum number of functions inside their mobile - like camera, email, fax, photocopy, scan, refrigerator, microwave, vacuum cleaner, hair dryer, etc. And they want everything to be integrated with some tooth. For example, if you are shopping in the Indian Grocery store in Chicago, and you forgot what brand of pickle to buy, you should be able to take pictures of all pickle bottles and send it to Mylapore Maami - and she should be able to just say the pickle name with betel leaves in mouth and voice recognition should match it with the pictures you sent and reply you back in a matter of 3 seconds. Any delay isn't appreciated: "Kya yaar, these networks are too slow... you know, the one in California was too good...(blah, blah)". Of course, why on earth do we need a mobile that can't do this simple operation!
Anyway, as you might've guessed by now, I was obviously standing in the Dinosaurs section. Not a single sales guy was around. To avoid any further embarrassment, I quickly grabbed this V190 mobile and slipped out of the store.
Well, it has been a good companion ever since. On some occasions, it had gone missing - only to be found under the cushions of the couch after the guests left. No wonder the guests felt uncomfortable with some unknown vibrations coming from underneath and left our home quickly. (Trust me, I never did it on purpose)
On many occasions, it had gone rolling under the car. Then I had to get down on all fours to reach it. If someone had watched me from behind, I have no idea what they would've thought.
But mostly, it manages to stay in its place, and that place happens to be some untraceable corner of the house - until we find it by calling from our landline. And everytime we wonder how it got there. ("The Case of the Missing Mobile" remains unresolved)
Having said all these, you can imagine how my mobile looks. It has scratches all over, and its paint worn out. You can imagine a wall-poster crumbled by a donkey here and there, and scratched by a roadside buffalo. Ah, that's exactly how it looks. I have not posted its picture here, fearing that even the few people who read my blog might stop reading it.
Now, hold on. Before you give me that look, let me tell you that my mobile still works fine. The speaker, phone book and alarm - everything still works. To replace my mobile at this point goes against Newton's 46th Law of Object Replaceability that states "Every object continues in its path of usability unless acted upon by an extreme force that breaks it beyond recognition". Somehow this doesn't convince my friends. They have all gone to Blackberries and Strawberries, and they want me to switch to some berry soon.
To add anger to their agony (or vice versa), I kind of stunned my friends a few days back when I asked them if my mobile had a blue-tooth. It was like looking at an Ambassador car and asking if it is a Formula 1 race car. Let me not elaborate on what happened next.
"So, what the heck ! Should I just get a Berry and make merry?" - am still thinking...
Somehow, my friends do not agree with this statement.
"You still haven't changed your mobile?". They've asked a million times.
Well, here is the history. I got this mobile in 2006, when I landed in USA and when I was badly in need of a device to communicate with my family in the other part of the world. The only criteria I had were: it should have speaker, phone book and alarm. I love camera mobiles, but my workplace didn't allow them those days. (Well, they changed their minds later after a year or so... Grrrr!).
The store where I got this mobile (store name withheld since I'm on a highly secret mission to USA) - was cunningly divided into 2 sections, separated by an invisible wall.
One section is like the Dinosaurs section of Museum, where you can see all the extinct mobiles. The people you see here are the ones who still think "Blackberry" is a fruit, and confuse "bluetooth" with sabertooth. And they still use their fingers to dial and still talk into the receiver.
The other section is the "happening" place. People here are the kind who hate using keypads and who want auto-redialling to happen by a sneeze. They also want the maximum number of functions inside their mobile - like camera, email, fax, photocopy, scan, refrigerator, microwave, vacuum cleaner, hair dryer, etc. And they want everything to be integrated with some tooth. For example, if you are shopping in the Indian Grocery store in Chicago, and you forgot what brand of pickle to buy, you should be able to take pictures of all pickle bottles and send it to Mylapore Maami - and she should be able to just say the pickle name with betel leaves in mouth and voice recognition should match it with the pictures you sent and reply you back in a matter of 3 seconds. Any delay isn't appreciated: "Kya yaar, these networks are too slow... you know, the one in California was too good...(blah, blah)". Of course, why on earth do we need a mobile that can't do this simple operation!
Anyway, as you might've guessed by now, I was obviously standing in the Dinosaurs section. Not a single sales guy was around. To avoid any further embarrassment, I quickly grabbed this V190 mobile and slipped out of the store.
Well, it has been a good companion ever since. On some occasions, it had gone missing - only to be found under the cushions of the couch after the guests left. No wonder the guests felt uncomfortable with some unknown vibrations coming from underneath and left our home quickly. (Trust me, I never did it on purpose)
On many occasions, it had gone rolling under the car. Then I had to get down on all fours to reach it. If someone had watched me from behind, I have no idea what they would've thought.
But mostly, it manages to stay in its place, and that place happens to be some untraceable corner of the house - until we find it by calling from our landline. And everytime we wonder how it got there. ("The Case of the Missing Mobile" remains unresolved)
Having said all these, you can imagine how my mobile looks. It has scratches all over, and its paint worn out. You can imagine a wall-poster crumbled by a donkey here and there, and scratched by a roadside buffalo. Ah, that's exactly how it looks. I have not posted its picture here, fearing that even the few people who read my blog might stop reading it.
Now, hold on. Before you give me that look, let me tell you that my mobile still works fine. The speaker, phone book and alarm - everything still works. To replace my mobile at this point goes against Newton's 46th Law of Object Replaceability that states "Every object continues in its path of usability unless acted upon by an extreme force that breaks it beyond recognition". Somehow this doesn't convince my friends. They have all gone to Blackberries and Strawberries, and they want me to switch to some berry soon.
To add anger to their agony (or vice versa), I kind of stunned my friends a few days back when I asked them if my mobile had a blue-tooth. It was like looking at an Ambassador car and asking if it is a Formula 1 race car. Let me not elaborate on what happened next.
"So, what the heck ! Should I just get a Berry and make merry?" - am still thinking...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
When "tele" prefixed "conference" ...
When Graham Bell invented the tele-phone he strictly made it for use by 2 people at a time. During the course of time, some guy invented this tricky thing called "Tele-conference", aka Telecon. We need to somehow find that guy and send him to an island in the middle of Atlantic before he starts inventing more dreadful things.
Think of the nice way we had conferences earlier. People met in groups in well-illuminated rooms, with glass windows and big chairs, and someone explained things by writing on the board - and there was coffee/tea served, and it was indeed a nice time to relax. Sometimes there would be a Powerpoint presentation and they would dim the lights, and no one would know if you're sleeping or thinking. When they switch on the lights in the end, you would feel as if you finished watching a matinee show in theatre. Also, you will get a chance to meet "long-time-no-see" friends and discuss critical issues like why Mani Ratnam dropped Kareena and chose Aishwarya.
Another good thing was: there would always be a "lead-time" in reaching the conference room. This lead time is defined as the time taken to reach the conference room (or return back to seat) by walking in groups and it includes time taken to peep over cubicles along the way to say a "Hi" to friends, drinking water by the cooler, visiting restrooms, combing hair, stopping over in the neighbouring cubicle to help that pretty girl resolve a "complicated" bug (in olden days it was called flirting), getting updates on IPL score, etc etc.
With telecon, all these luxuries are now lost. No matter where you are and what time of day it is, people expect you to join a telecon asap with a few seconds notice. There are no lead times here. That's why, many a time you hear all kinds of weird background noises in a telecon - autorickshaw sounds if the guy is attending from Chennai, baby crying, spouse shouting, toilet flushing (note: this guy must be really good at multi-tasking), cows mooing (this guy must have gone to his village on vacation), and what not !
If a telecon has more people, then most of the call goes like this:
"Kumar, are you there?". "Hello Kumar...hello".
"I think, we dropped Kumar".
"Yes, I think I heard a beep a while ago".
"No, that was me who joined, this is Amit".
"Oh, hi Amit, I think we dropped Kumar".
"Hello Kumar?". "Was it Kumar? I think I heard someone now".
"No, that was my dog here, sorry".
Then, all of a sudden, Kumar comes back saying "Oh sorry guys, I was on mute". Easy excuse ! He might have actually dozed off or gone to the nearby grocery store to buy milk - but no matter what, you can always say you were on mute.
Telecons demand a lot of concentration. You might be watching Bollywood movie this side, but your ears should still be tuned to the telecon conversation. Else, you might be caught off-guard when someone asks, "Hey Kumar, did we move that code to production?". You would jolt and wake up from the Bollwood-movie-trance, but you will have no idea what code they're talking about. Because you lost track of the telecon when Rani Mukherjee started dancing. A good trick in such critical situations is to make a general statement and provoke the other guy to repeat the question. Like, for the above question, you can say, "Hmmm... I think, we moved pretty much everything we planned". This confuses the other guy and he would surely repeat, "Yes, but did we move XYZ code to production?". Now, you got what you wanted.
Maybe, I should write these tricks in a book, like a "Survival Guide to Telecons" - and who knows, it might be a best-seller. Anyway, I need to go now, got a telecon to attend.
Think of the nice way we had conferences earlier. People met in groups in well-illuminated rooms, with glass windows and big chairs, and someone explained things by writing on the board - and there was coffee/tea served, and it was indeed a nice time to relax. Sometimes there would be a Powerpoint presentation and they would dim the lights, and no one would know if you're sleeping or thinking. When they switch on the lights in the end, you would feel as if you finished watching a matinee show in theatre. Also, you will get a chance to meet "long-time-no-see" friends and discuss critical issues like why Mani Ratnam dropped Kareena and chose Aishwarya.
Another good thing was: there would always be a "lead-time" in reaching the conference room. This lead time is defined as the time taken to reach the conference room (or return back to seat) by walking in groups and it includes time taken to peep over cubicles along the way to say a "Hi" to friends, drinking water by the cooler, visiting restrooms, combing hair, stopping over in the neighbouring cubicle to help that pretty girl resolve a "complicated" bug (in olden days it was called flirting), getting updates on IPL score, etc etc.
With telecon, all these luxuries are now lost. No matter where you are and what time of day it is, people expect you to join a telecon asap with a few seconds notice. There are no lead times here. That's why, many a time you hear all kinds of weird background noises in a telecon - autorickshaw sounds if the guy is attending from Chennai, baby crying, spouse shouting, toilet flushing (note: this guy must be really good at multi-tasking), cows mooing (this guy must have gone to his village on vacation), and what not !
If a telecon has more people, then most of the call goes like this:
"Kumar, are you there?". "Hello Kumar...hello".
"I think, we dropped Kumar".
"Yes, I think I heard a beep a while ago".
"No, that was me who joined, this is Amit".
"Oh, hi Amit, I think we dropped Kumar".
"Hello Kumar?". "Was it Kumar? I think I heard someone now".
"No, that was my dog here, sorry".
Then, all of a sudden, Kumar comes back saying "Oh sorry guys, I was on mute". Easy excuse ! He might have actually dozed off or gone to the nearby grocery store to buy milk - but no matter what, you can always say you were on mute.
Telecons demand a lot of concentration. You might be watching Bollywood movie this side, but your ears should still be tuned to the telecon conversation. Else, you might be caught off-guard when someone asks, "Hey Kumar, did we move that code to production?". You would jolt and wake up from the Bollwood-movie-trance, but you will have no idea what code they're talking about. Because you lost track of the telecon when Rani Mukherjee started dancing. A good trick in such critical situations is to make a general statement and provoke the other guy to repeat the question. Like, for the above question, you can say, "Hmmm... I think, we moved pretty much everything we planned". This confuses the other guy and he would surely repeat, "Yes, but did we move XYZ code to production?". Now, you got what you wanted.
Maybe, I should write these tricks in a book, like a "Survival Guide to Telecons" - and who knows, it might be a best-seller. Anyway, I need to go now, got a telecon to attend.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Curious Case of Velupillai Prabhakaran
OTHER than Vaiko, by now everyone believes that Prabhakaran is dead. Vaiko needs a "Prabhakaran" to continue his passionate support for Eelam; so we can understand his plight. I sympathize the sorry state of Vaiko - he lost election from his own constituency; he said there will be blood bath if Prabhakaran died but no such thing happened; and he spent days and nights supporting and agitating for LTTE but the people rejected all this drama. So, let us spare him further agony.
Prabhakaran was once an icon of courage and valor among Tamil youth. There was a time when I admired the military operations he conducted - bringing the Lankan army to his feet.
When he took up arms to fight Lankan oppression in 1980s, he had the blessing of India. Mrs.Indira Gandhi supported and encouraged the LTTE. They were allowed to use TN as training grounds. Back then, nobody was concerned about the violent methods LTTE used. Maybe it was necessary at that point of time to stop Lankan genocide against Tamils.
Rajiv Gandhi's initiative to bring a political settlement to the crisis gave rise to the Indo Lankan pact of 1987. I believe, he truly intended to resolve the conflict amicably. The LTTE initially agreed to it reluctantly. They even started surrendering their arms to the IPKF. Soon, disagreements broke and LTTE joined hands with Srilanka and drove our IPKF out, saying "Lankans and Tamils are brothers ! Who is India to interfere !". Thus, the LTTE stalled the headway made in this political settlement. If LTTE had co-operated, India could've pressurized the Lankan Govt to act according to the pact and agree for a devolution of power to Tamils.
But, Vellupillai Prabhakaran had a different dream about Tamil Eelam. He wanted a Tamil nation carved out of the island where he and his associates can be the sole rulers in an autocratic setup. He never believed in democracy. To achieve this dream, he was ready for any proportion of bloodbath - no matter whose blood it was - Tamils or Sinhalese or Indians or whoever. Sadly, this was not what Tamils wanted.
Slowly, he turned his organization from a liberation movement into a blood thirsty terrorist movement - assassinating anyone who disagreed with him - including our former PM. His acts of crime overshadowed the Tamil cause for which he once started fighting. More than 32 countries banned LTTE, and he was in the "Wanted" list of law-enforcement agencies worldwide like Interpol, CBI, and FBI.
Rajiv's assassination was not only a deadly crime, but it was a stupid move by the LTTE. They lost their only supporter in this region - India.
After May 21st 1991, India understood the consequences of doing business with a guerilla group. All these years, we never thought the LTTE would harm us; it was after all our foster kid that grew with our support. But now, our own security was at stake. We realized that this was not a group we should've associated with from the very beginning! They have proved to be ruthless killers. If we had really cared about Lankan Tamils, we should have interfered more directly into the matter and pressurized SL, instead of supporting and supplying arms to these guerilla rebels. India as a nation should have stepped in. But instead, we made friends with the wrong group.
It is a shame that the LTTE is still portrayed by some as representatives of Tamils in SL. They lost that identity long back. They have killed Tamil leaders and Tamil citizens without any mercy. A recent BBC video showed LTTE herding Tamil civilians with guns and firing at those who were trying to escape. They deliberately squashed all attempts for a political settlement. They were nothing but a group of fanatics who fought for the personal cause of a rogue leader called Prabhakaran. They strayed away from their liberation path a long time ago.
It is good they were silenced once and for all. Congratulations to the Lankan President for standing firm amidst so many pressures. But, we do not know what he has in mind after this. Would he be true to his words and give equal rights to Tamils? We don't know. But, he sure knows that the international community is watching. India should ensure that justice is done for Tamils there. It is a good time to remind Srilanka of the Indo Lankan pact.
As far as people like Vaiko and Ramadoss are concerned, they can continue to joke around like clowns; it helps to keep the political scene entertaining.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
"Saving" India from Pub Culture
Girls and boys who were hanging out in a pub in Mangalore were brutally assaulted by a Sena party. The video on NDTV site showed girls being beaten, dragged and humiliated. So, let's all understand one thing clearly. Pub culture is indecent. It is from Western countries. So, we should all oppose it.
Right ? Understood ? Ok wait, listen further.
Dragging girls by their salwar, beating them, pushing them around, standing around them & slapping them - are all ancient Indian culture - and we should all uplift and save it. Wow, what a great eye-opener ! For all those confused people who were trying to understand the difference between Western culture and Indian culture - the Sena party has given a clear definition.
I started wondering how Sena would react in another situation. In Tamil Nadu, illicit liquor production happens here and there. I have a doubt if that is ancient Indian culture or Western or Latin or whatever. In any case, I am sure the Sena party of Mangalore incident would take strong action against these men also. They might run into such illicit liquor areas, and pull off the dhoti from all men there. Unfortunately, girls are not present in such areas. So, the Sena party may not be able to prove their ancient Indian culture on girls. But, I am sure, they will strip men of their dhotis and enforce their party's principle. (Hopefully NDTV will upload that video too)
Right ? Understood ? Ok wait, listen further.
Dragging girls by their salwar, beating them, pushing them around, standing around them & slapping them - are all ancient Indian culture - and we should all uplift and save it. Wow, what a great eye-opener ! For all those confused people who were trying to understand the difference between Western culture and Indian culture - the Sena party has given a clear definition.
I started wondering how Sena would react in another situation. In Tamil Nadu, illicit liquor production happens here and there. I have a doubt if that is ancient Indian culture or Western or Latin or whatever. In any case, I am sure the Sena party of Mangalore incident would take strong action against these men also. They might run into such illicit liquor areas, and pull off the dhoti from all men there. Unfortunately, girls are not present in such areas. So, the Sena party may not be able to prove their ancient Indian culture on girls. But, I am sure, they will strip men of their dhotis and enforce their party's principle. (Hopefully NDTV will upload that video too)
Monday, February 9, 2009
"Fire Bath" - The Great Tamil Culture
Nowadays, you hear many incidents of Tamilians self-immolating themselves. This "fire bath" sounds like a good method, given the fact that water scarcity is a century-old issue in TN. They should also invent "fire soap", "fire shampoo", "fire body wash", etc. After all, Tamilians are known for their cleanliness. I wonder why the big leaders never self-immolate themselves, but merely praise and pay homage to those who die from it. Wouldn't it be a great show if all Tamil leaders tried self-immolating themselves in the middle of the road, and NDTV covers the event live - and Barkha Dutt runs round and round the scene giving live commentary ! Wow, what a scene to imagine !
Instead of rubbishing such stupid acts, Tamil leaders stand in queue and pay homage to these self-immolators. What a shame ! Taking one's own life is unlawful. It is a sin. It is a coward's act. Leaving all your dependent family members on the road and killing yourself - is the worst form of stupidity. And this is what Tamil leaders praise and support. Karunanidhi would write poems for them; Vaiko might tear off his shirt and shout slogans for them; and Ramdoss might go on an"indefinite" hunger strike for 8 hours (and drink orange juice in the end)!
Wow, what a Tamil Culture ! If anyone opposes this, he would be termed anti-Tamil, anti-Eelam, and many more "anti"s. So, why take risk ! Let me also try writing a poem for all these fire bathers.
It is to be noted that, the only leader who didn't praise these cowardly acts is Jayalalitha. Hats off to her. (I am no ADMK supporter)
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